Thanksgiving thankies

   This has been one of the worst years of my fucking life. This is what kept me alive this year.
 Number effing one: My father. If my dad wasnt the total bomb ass best dad in the entire world, id be dead or out hooking somewhere. He is my best friend. He is not perfect, and I love him for that. He is so accepting and supportive of EVERYTHING I do. He may not like it but goddamnit no matter what it is he supports me.


Number two: My brothers. Kenny especially. He has really come through this year. Keeping it crazy as usual, but in moments of clarity or insanity (who knows the fucking difference, or cares) he was able to say things to me that just made perfect sense. something that gave me a reason to push on. Nathan, always being the quiet one, like a silent business partner, could just chime in with once sentence every so often and  I would know that he was behind me.


Number three: The rest of my family:  from the Mann clann to the  NYJEWS. (lol) they were there to listen, crack a joke to make me smile, and listen to all my bullshit. I love my family, and if there was one good thing to come of my mother's passing it was the chance to become closer to my family.


Number Four :  NayNay, I think this passed year has been the toughest year on him as well. He continues to stand by me, and let me work out the bullshit in my head, even though we arent together anymore. Deep down in my heart I know he loves me and I love him. I am thankful for his undying love and support. I am thankful that even though he doesnt fully understand what im going through, he still excepts it, and lets me move on. but im even more thankful when he calls me on my bullshit and catches me running in place. He keeps me in check for the most part and I am forever thankful for his love. Although I dont know what the future holds for us, I do know that I can always say I love you to him and mean it and that I think we will always be in each others lives. That is something to be thankful for sure.

Number Five:  Jenna, My boo. She and I are destined to be friends for life and I am thankful for her being there for me. She went through the same thing with losing her mother. She made me feel like i wasnt the only one in the world who had gone through this, and she listens to me countless times crying and talking cray cray about my mom, my love life, and anything else my sick head lets me say outloud. She is my soul sister, and to have her and her little punkin seed Layla in my life is a blessing.

 Number six: Ben and Jerry's (Emily especially)  I have been with this job for almost ten years and I am Thankful for it every day I work. This job has carried me and taught me for so long. I dont know where I would be with out it. They are my second family. Emily knows everything about me. She is one of my closest friends as well as my boss. She got me the job, she helped keep my job. She has fought so hard for me. It means the world to me that someone believes in me and cares about me that much. I honestly dont know what I would do with out her. I would take a bullet for her. Seriously.

Number Seven: Facebook. I know being thankful is stupid vain and firstworldish. LOL but seriously, it helped me this year. When I couldnt take it. I could post how I felt and then people could reach out. I think it drove some people away but it also helped me realize who my real friends are. I am thankful for it because it made me feel like i was apart of my friends lives even if i couldnt see them in person. It brings people together, and I dig that.

Number Eight: Mother Fucking MCP and the local punk scene. Small as it may be now. These fucking people have helped me feel alive again. theyve made me laugh, made me dance, made me sing, made me drink (chris!) and I love them all dearly. Special props to Dee for being such a strong fucking woman, and reminding me I can be one too. mandy, chris, wak, and brandi for always being so sweet and cool to me. Rachel for bringing out the "SCREAMINS" in me. Fifi for having an awesome karaoke night. Jenn for agreeing to help me get in shape. Coleman for being a classy gent. Twiggy for being, Well, Twiggy.
 Spooks for being Spooks, god love him. Richie, I dont even have to say it you already know. Same brain. Just thank you for being you, and letting me be me. Just everyone in the scene. You guys are all fucking nice to me and it means more than you know.

Number Nine:  Nashville. Home sweet home. Always will be. The sight of the skyline means so much to me. It warms my heart and I feel at peace knowing that I am home no matter where I am in the city.

Number Ten: Squeaky clean laundromat. I am thankful for this place because I have no washer and dryer, and it sucks hauling everything over there, but its the laundromat I grew up in and it reminds me of my mother when Im there. Its quiet, its in the neighborhood I grew up in. Its next door to jacks market, and a stones throw away from where i played softball as a girl. Sylvan Park will always be my first neighborhood, and the neighborhood I love the most.

Number eleven: 2011 is almost fucking over. Im very thankful for that. Hoping 2012 is the path to greater things.

Number Twelve: Amanda Palmer/ Dresden Dolls and The Smiths.  These artists got me through my roughest days. I wore out the entire Smiths Collection. It became to attached to a certain person who isnt at all who i thought he was and so now its harder for me to listen to them, but Im thankful for that person in teaching me that we arent always as great as people think we are and thats okay. it puts life back into real mode and changes your perspective, but as for Amanda Palmer, god knows she would be the last person to read this, but I wanted to thank her anyway because some days her voice and words were the only thing that kept me breathing. that helped bring life back into me and allowed me to paint again. One day I hope I get to meet her and let her know.

Number Thirteen: My art. I didnt do much of it this year. I am thankful that the creative release came back to me. I want to get back into showing my pieces, and actually selling them maybe PLEASE?

Number Fourteen:  Im thankful for my car. It is amazing how I got it, and so glad that it works and gets me where I need to go.

Number Fifteen:Im thankful for the red hair dye i use. It makes me feel good.  Eyebrow threading from Salon Atash! Makes my eye brows perfect, and I get to see Jenna too!

Number Sixteen: All the people that reached out to me when my mom passed away. It meant so much to me. I still have cards, emails, and the flowers that you all gave me. It is a constant reminder that people are good.

Number Seventeen: East Nashville. I used to be biased and turned my nose up at you. I was wrong. You are awesome. Extra shout out to Foobar. You give me good times. sometimes great times and great people. Catherine, Jason, Dawn, J Ryan, Mother fucking Jud,  Br00tal Diana, Asshole Dan, Nina, Shorty, Kellie, and the rest of those fine ass people.


Number eighteen: My tattoos. They mean the world to me. The pain and beautiful art that came out of getting tattooed is a constant reminder of what I can over come and how I can deal with things. Thanks to Jmac and Dan even though Dan, you can be a total asshole and im still pretty sure you give no shits, you still gave me a beautiful tattoo, and im sure you're not really that much of an asshole, so thanks fucker. Not that youll read this, cause you know, you're  an ass. but especially or Jmac putting a piece of my mothers memory ( her signature) so perfectly on my body, thank you. it will always mean the most.

Number Nineteen: Finishing school. Even though it is taking forever to get my license i completed school and have passed the first part. Now to finish the second part and get my license. Thanks to all the girls that I met in school that helped me out and supported me.

 Number Twenty:  I am thankful to be alive.  I am thankful for everything. I am thankful for you. Yes you. Thank you.  If you feel like I left you out, please dont think that for one moment. you're all in my heart, and I thank you all.